What is conflict?

Conflict is not inherently bad. In fact, conflict simply stems from differing viewpoints. Since no two people view the world exactly the same way, disagreement is quite normal. In fact, anyone who agrees with you all of the time is probably telling you what you want to hear, not what he or she actually believes.
The reason conflict has received such bad press is because of the emotional aspects that come along with it. When there is conflict, it means that there is strong disagreement between two or more individuals. The conflict is usually in relation to interests or ideas that are personally meaningful to either one or both of the parties involved, thus prompting a need to allow parties to express their feelings before coming to any agreement.

Or, more deeply, conflict relates to the frustration of some personal need for security, recognition, acceptance and respect. In a very common case, a single older person that wants to have a pet as companion finds this simple but deep need frustrated by condo regulations, and that limitation produces a conflict.

Unmanaged conflict can lead to negative reactions, isolation and even violence, and in general to an uncomfortable sense of “not being at home in our own home.” We all know families who decided to sell and move out, among other reasons because they had a problematic relationship with their condo association board.

In condos, we have three kinds of conflict:
a) Interpersonal conflict, between two owners who can’t stand each other,
b) Conflict inside the Condo Association Board, between members, or
c) Conflicts between the board and some or all owners.
It is obvious that we can see b) and c) kinds of conflicts when having an open or closed board meeting. It is obvious also the display of behaviors that can be either competitive (as in I win, you lose) or cooperative (where everybody wins something). Any Board negotiation for the betterment of the premises needs to be perceived as a win-win situation by all, where there is some value creation, and where the solution satisfies needs of all owners and Board members.
Finally, any kind of conflict described above can escalate and become a law suit, with more costs, and aggravation of condo hostilities.

Conflicts in Board Meetings
Conflicts and in general, confrontations on issues discussed in meetings can be very disruptive. But they can also be very helpful, because conflicts are disagreements on aspects that need to be sorted out.

If the person who is disagreeing with you is raising valid questions, it may benefit the group to address the issues they are presenting. In fact, by listening to them, you may gain valuable insight into what is and what is not working within your board.

However, if the person (in this case probably an owner) continues past the point of disagreement to the point of disruptiveness, specific steps can be taken. A Condo Board respectful of its owners can use a list of conflict resolution tactics that will help integrate the owner into the problem solving process effectively:

	Find some "grain of truth" in the other person's position that you can build upon.
	Identify areas of agreement in the two positions.
	Defer the subject to later in the meeting to handle.
	Document the subject and set it aside to discuss in the next meeting.
	Ask to speak with the individual after the meeting or during a break.
	See if someone else in the meeting has a response or recommendation.
	Present your view, but do not force agreement. Let things be and go on to the next topic.
	Agree that the person has a valid point and there may be some way to make the situation work for both parties.
	Create a compromise.

If you are the Board’s President:
Rules for disagreeing diplomatically.
Regardless of the type of conflict you are dealing with, there are several general rules of thumb you should follow whenever you are trying to bring harmony to a volatile situation. Here they are.

	Reflect your understanding of the other's position or opinion. "I feel, think, want, etc." This says, "I am listening to your opinion and I’ll take your opinion into account before I state mine."
	Let the other person know that you value him/her as a person even though his/her opinion is different from yours. "I understand (appreciate, respect, see how you feel that way, etc.)". This says, "I hear you and respect your opinion."
	State your position or opinion. "I feel, think, want, etc." This says, "I don't agree, but I value you - so let's exchange ideas comfortably, not as a contest for superiority."

To become a good conflict resolver requires a lot of practice. Just remember that the goal is to reach a compromise that both of you can live with as well as be happy with. In other words, find a way that both of you can walk away feeling like a respected member of the association!